I DON'T WANT TO DIE

I really don’t. I have so much more to accomplish in this world. I have 9 kids to marry off and I want to dance at their weddings and enjoy my grandkids. I love my wife and want to travel the world with her. I want to get closer to Hashem and live a spiritual life doing what is right. I want to make the world a better place by starting with myself. I want to live!

I’m soon going to be 53 years old. I have been fighting obesity (or more likely just living with it) for 40+ years. It’s a part of who I am. I’m an emotional eater, always was and probably always will be. Every year for decades I told myself that I’m still young, I don’t have to worry about losing weight for real. I’m not yet in the “danger zone” where my life could be on the line. So over the decades I tried several diets and had various levels of success, but they never lasted. I didn’t worry though because it really wasn’t life threatening. I even had gastric bypass surgery about 20 years ago (much more on that in a future post) where I went from 390 Lbs. to I think 220 Lbs. I think was my lowest.

Now I’m 53. Now I’m in the danger zone. Losing weight is not just a cosmetic thing or something that will allow me to go on hikes with the kids. Losing weight now is a matter if I will live to see my grandchildren or not. Of course life and death is in the hands of our Creator, but we need to put in the effort. The Torah says we must guard our bodies. They are on loan to us from Hashem. It’s not just a toy we can abuse. Again, will talk more about this is a future post. I truly feel it is now or never. I can’t afford to play games anymore. Life is way too precious and I have so much living yet to do.

So now I’m doing something about it. Or at least trying. I’m to chicken to post my name (for now) in case I fail or decide not to follow up. I’ll write another post about that, but it’s because I’m scared. If I go public then I will become accountable. It’s the point of no return. I can’t post about my struggles, pain and story if instead of inspiring I will be extinguishing. This time if I were to fail, I can’t just hide it behind a box of donuts and call it a day. Everyone will know that I failed. Not sure if I’m ready for that yet. I guess I want to first see what the response is to these posts. Will I inspire? Be inspired? Will it help others and myself? It’s a very scary thing to do. But do you know what’s worst? Dying.

I Chews Life.